Misunderstandings don’t miss me. They hit me “right-on” almost everytime.
I know I’ve been hit by them because they always leave behind their visiting cards. They have several visiting cards in fact. They seem to conduct several businesses all at once! You may have got them too – the ones with advertisements of the business of anger, hurt, jealousy, helplessness, hopelessness, desireto “hit back” and so on
When I misunderstand, I miss the understanding that it is not others I misunderstand but only myself. I miss the fact that my mind is clouded. I really don’t look at the other person or the situation clearly.
Things are obviously not going my way. If they were, where is the place for misunderstanding?
Someone said something that “hurt” me. A situation turned out to be different from what I understood it to be. There could be umpteen things. My mind races away from any possible role I may have played in causing my own misunderstanding. At the lightning speed of thought, it points the finger at the “other” person or situation. Then it lays the foundation and builds a mansion of misunderstanding on the “other” person. Then it decorates it with my own hurt, anger, jealousy etc. And watching this architecture creation of mine, I don’t revel in dance but slump in misery and sadness. I wait for the “other” to demolish this mansion of my miunderstanding I’ve built in my mind. I seek the “other” to rescue me from my sadness and misery.
A few years ago, I learned from my daughter, “It is more important to be kind than right”. This is a true panacea to demolish misunderstandings. Be kind to the situation. Be kind to the happening. Be kind to the other person.
When a person “hurts” me (I mean here happenings that exclude physical harm), even if I’m in the right and the other person is in the wrong, I give the other person a loving hug, speak a few kind words, and let whatever happened slip away silently like the night. The person is more important than whatever he/she did. This not only removes my misery and sadness, but actually delivers peace of mind to me and to the other person as well. What can be more happy than peace of mind?
All misunderstandings happen because of a peaceless mind. A mind becomes clouded and confused from desires – both fulfilled and unfulfilled, and the resultant anger and agitations.
Bhagavad Gita (2.62, 2.63) explains what happens and how confusion reigns the mind.
When a person focuses on an item (an object, thought or whatever), he connects with it. This connection – sticking together -gives birth to desire. Desire leads to anger. Anger gives rise to confusion and confusion to loss of understanding.
dhyaato vishayaan pumsah sangasteshu upajaayate | sangaah sajjaayate kaamah kaamaat krodho abhijaayate|| krodaat bhavati sammohah sammohaat smruti vibhramah | smrutibhramsaat buddhi naasah…||
“Take-homes”s from misunderstandings
- Improve my understanding skills
- Improve my empathetic skills
- Be kind
- Not to think who is right, who is wrong
- Give a loving hug to the “other” person [Physical hug works miracles. If not possible, embrace the other person lovingly in mind]
- Improve the clarity of my mind
God is Love. Live in Love. Love has no misunderstanding, only understanding.